Here's Manchester United Jokes To Make Your Day
Are Good For You |
Manchester United jokes will improve your health, its official. This web site is good for you. Your doctor will confirm this. Smiling and laughing are beneficial.
You'll need an imagination, a sense of the ridiculous or you just need to be plain old barmy. Enjoy our spoof Manchester United products!
SPEC-COLLAR (MU-400A) (Price: 2,000 Manus)
This Manuniverse Spec-Collar will get people off their backsides and improve the atmosphere.
The MU-400A includes a button operated remote controller transmitter that is rechargeable and waterproof. Options for instantaneous or continuous stimulation.
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Features:
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| Not used |
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| Low |
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| Medium |
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| High |
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High (2 collars) |
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Advice:
- For resistant subjects the collar can be adjusted to fit around the forehead!
Warning:
Continuous stimulation is not recommended for this strategy as instances of brain damage have been noted. There have been extreme cases where chants of "Come on you blues" have been heard and "Blue Moon" has been sung!
- Charge up overnight before the game and you're ready to buzz away
- Why not purchase our mains charger accessory?
(Price: 1000 Manus) - Why not get the collar personalised?
(Price: only 10 Manus per letter)
BREATH/NOISE METER (MU500-B) (Price: 1,350 Manus)
Benefit: Takes care of your fellow supporters
This beautifully designed compact unit is electronically at the forefront of gadgetry and proves that Manuniverse do consider their supporters health is a top priority.
 Manchester United jokes
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Features:
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Instructions
(1) Identify the person you suspect is undergoing difficulties and place the device approx.10cms in front of the mouth.
(2) If no breath is detected;
- A red light comes on and an automatic message is relayed to the first-aid room at Old Trafford
- A digital photograph is taken and transmitted to all Corporate Hospitality Suites in case one of their guests is missing
(3) If breath is detected but no noise;
- A green light comes on, a microspeaker is initiated and a 90 decibel message emitted…"Wake up you quiet b*****d and support the reds"
(NB: This is the default message. You can customise your own but it is limited to one swear word from the official Manuniverse book of abuse)
* For a more subtle device to counteract the no noise syndrome why not purchase our MU-400A SPEC COLLAR (see above).
ANTI-YOB INHIBITOR (MU600-B ) (Price: 1,500 Manus)
Benefit: Keeps up the standards in our ground
Attaching this anti-yob collar ensures that the enjoyment of the majority is not spoilt by a persistent minority of pea-brained red-eyed morons.
Manchester United jokes |
Features:
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[This is a Manchester United jokes product brought to you by manuniverse.net. It's not real!]
How it works
- When the yob starts to bellow obscenities the collar detects vibration of the vocal cords and emits a short electric shock lasting 0.5 seconds
- Further blasphemies shouted for 3 seconds result in an additional shock
- Continued profanities bring on repeated shocks until the shouting ceases
Recommended use:
- For IQ levels of 5-10
- All people from Bolton
- To check if the yob is in need of attention why not use our BREATH/NOISE METER (MU500-B) to alert First-Aiders (see above).
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